I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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