Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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