I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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