i jhust puked up my retainher.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
