My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
