Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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