I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize