Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
