I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found puke in my bra..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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