so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
