Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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