so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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