I feel great
I just peed on a car
tell your sister to shave her snatch
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
