party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
