Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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