he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
