well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
