The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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