Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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