Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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