I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
