you have to choose: penises or morals?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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