Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
