If i come over, it means nothing
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
