how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
