don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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