Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
