So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
