You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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