i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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