Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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