i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
