: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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