When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
