I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
