Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
