quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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