Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
