btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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