Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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