just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
