it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
