Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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