i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
