do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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