My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
