I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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