Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
