This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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