Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
