I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
its not stalking. its research.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
