I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
