you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
