found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
