Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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