I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
