what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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