Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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